Continuing our series on how to deliver exceptional customer service, last month we talked about active listening. This month, let's talk about how we communicate with our clients (and to be honest, with everyone in our lives).
I'm sure nobody reading this has ever argued with someone over their tone, right? We could all probably fill books with examples of conflict caused by a misunderstood tone!
Your tone is how you say things and, maybe more importantly, how it makes the listener feel.
Albert Mehrabian's communication theory states that communication is 7% what you said (words), 38% how you said it (tone), and 55% body language, particularly facial expressions.
This means your tone of voice has five times more impact than your word choice in a conversation.
Your vocal tone is the combination of pitch, pace, volume, and timbre. This is how each of those characteristics is defined:
- Pitch: A message is conveyed by how high or low your voice fluctuates. If it's too high, it could indicate defensiveness, and if it's too low, it can convey authority and seriousness.
- Pace: Speaking too slowly could be perceived as demeaning and offensive, and speaking too fast conveys a feeling of rushing, lowering the sense of importance. Maintaining a steady pace ensures you are communicating your point and causes more focus on your message by the listener.
- Volume: This one is pretty obvious. Loud talking feels aggressive or insensitive.
- Timbre: This is the big one … Your speech's emotional quality or attitude comes through no matter which words you choose. If you're feeling happy, frustrated, rushed, or distracted, the phrase "Have a great day!" will sound very different to the listener.
Here are some ways to improve your tone:
- Use positive body language. Here are some examples:
- Smile! We've talked a lot about the importance of smiling, even when someone you are talking to cannot see you. Even a slight upward curve to the corners of your mouth brightens your face and uplifts your tone.
- Keep your arms uncrossed and your hands off your hips. These two are often perceived as aggressive behavior.
- Allow people to see the palms of your hands by keeping them open and visible. Not jazz hands, but not balled into closed fists. How you hold yourself impacts the muscles in your face and neck, which changes your breathing and the pressure on your vocal cords.
- Maintain calm and patience: This can sometimes be tough, and focusing on your breath when your blood pressure rises is a helpful way to maintain your calm. I used to have an English teacher who, when people would get out of hand, would quietly say, "Maintain a modicum of decorum." I can still hear that in my mind when I start to get a little flustered and it resets my brain so I can prevent escalation, sometimes ...
- Use positive language and words: Just like last month we talked about not using industry jargon or technical terms that may alienate our clients, we should also try to avoid the word "no." This requires practice and some creativity. Here are some examples of phrases that we can use instead of using negative sayings:
- We can't do that. / Here's what we can do to address that.
- I don't know. / Let me find out for you.
- You'll have to … / You might find it helpful to ...
- Hold on. / Would you mind holding for a moment while I ...
- No problem. / Absolutely. I'd be happy to assist with that.
- That would frustrate me as well. / Let me see how I can help.
If you've read this far, you'll realize that all of these steps will help in building good relationships with the people in your life–not only your clients. Remember – like any good relationship, it isn't always easy, but it is definitely worth the work!
